When Self-Protection Is Actually Lack of Self-Trust

What are you saying yes to? 

What are you saying no to?

What are you saying maybe to?

Yes

No

Maybe

Those 3 words can grind us to a halt. 

Especially the maybe.

Why?  

Because maybe sounds safe.  It’s a “wait and see” approach, that you need more information or keep thinking of anything to keep you from committing to the yes or no.

Our bodies receive information every day.  The gut instinct.  There’s a pull in a direction.  There is a knowing.  It is intuition sending signals if things are safe or unsafe.

Sometimes it is easy to miss. Other times it screams at you.

You are feeling confident in your decision.

And then, something stops you.  

The overthinking begins.

Choosing the opposite direction even when intuition and the body already answered.

Underneath it all, self-trust was broken.

Insecurities will set in and the questioning begins.

Self-protection can look like hesitation. 

It's that maybe.

The infamous wobble. The off kilter moment.

It can look like gathering more opinions.

Constantly asking multiple people the same questions, waiting for confirmation outside of yourself.

It can look like needing reassurance before making the smallest decisions.

It can look like needing more information before taking the next step forward.

In actuality, it is a lack of self-trust.

This shows up in small and large decisions.

Overthinking everything:

What to say

What not to say

What to do

What to hold back

The questions become:

Why?

Why choose the opposite of what feels true?

This is the perfect time for self-evaluation.

There is often a belief underneath it.

That something will go wrong.

That it won’t be okay.

That the decision needs to be perfect.

After all, change can be scary.  There is so much unknown and uncertainty in it.

So the mind steps in

to stay in control,

to prevent discomfort, t

o avoid uncertainty.

To keep us safe.

Again and again

As we move farther away from the gut instinct, the knowing, the feeling,

patterns form.

The internal voice becomes quieter, less trusted and less followed.

And, the choice was made to abandon your self-trust. 

Rebuilding self-trust does not come from more waiting and overthinking,

It comes from completion.

The moment you move out of maybe,

and into a clear yes or a clear no;

while recognizing that maybe is usually a no.

Three Shifts That Begin to Rebuild Self-Trust

1. Let Go of “Maybe” as a Resting Place

The maybe will keep you doubting yourself.

It will keep you second guessing yourself.

Yes and no create movement.

2. Sit With the Moment the Nudge was Ignored

This can feel uncomfortable. It allows for self-evaluation and correction.

This is not a time for judgment.

It is a time to ask:

What was felt?

What was chosen instead?

What happened after?

How am I feeling now?

As you do this, confidence will build.

3. Stay Within Instead of Reaching Outward

Validation from others can feel like confidence.

However, it can be false and temporary.

This tends to disrupt any self-trust you are building.

It is now time to be silent.  It is ok to pause and listen.

Ask yourself the questions you have been asking others

to  see what you hear or feel.

Follow those nudges.

Self-trust is about choosing yourself.

Believing you can and trusting your yes/no,

while letting go of the maybe.