Stagnant Flow

The Slow Down

Lack of:

energy 

creativity 

desire 

exhaustion 

numb

This is where I am right now.

This time of year, I tend to get this way.

Stagnant.

Not in a dramatic way. It’s more of a quiet shutdown.

A pulling inward.

Tension shows up in my relationships.

In my body. In my mind.

Even simple things feel harder than they should.

There is nothing really firing in my brain.

Writing this feels like effort. 

Even putting words together for this writing was difficult.

I’m sharing because from what I’ve encountered, many are feeling this way.

My sleep hasn’t been great.

And I’m working on that, but it’s not as simple as just taking something and being done with it.

Like most things, it is layered.

I recognize this place though.

I’ve been here before. It’s a yearly thing and I’ve learned a lot about this process.

This is a dormant phase. And everything in me knows this is not the time to push. Not the time to force clarity.

 Not the time to try to create something just to feel productive.

This is the time to go within. 

To rest.

Even if part of me wants to resist it.

Because there’s another layer underneath all of this.

I’m attempting to balance out my nervous system.

My nervous system has been holding A LOT.

Not only from this past year, which was A LOT, but from several years.

Don’t get me wrong, there were beautiful moments. There were joyful moments. There was laughter.

But there was also a lot of heartache. 

A lot of being tested in ways I didn’t ask for. 

A lot of being asked to hold more than I thought I could or wanted to. 

A lot of questioning ‘Why?”

My resiliency was being tested.

And now…

My body is catching up.

It’s moving through all the responses it had to hold me together at the time.

Fight

Flight

Freeze

Fawn…

All of it.

Not all at once. Although it does feel like it sometimes. But enough that I can feel it moving through.

As I release and relax, my body grabs hold and wants to resist and fight.

Why? Protection and safety.

I can also see my patterns more clearly now.

What I tend to do in these spaces.

Where I push when I shouldn’t.

Where I try to override what my body is asking for.

Where I look outside instead of sitting with what’s happening inside.

And I know this much now:

Pushing leads to burnout.

Avoidance takes you down harder.

Introspection serves me more than reaching outward ever did in these moments.

And I ask for help when needed.

Even surface level conversations feel like too much right now.

My tolerance for anything that feels off or forced is low...

Very low.

There are windows though.

Small ones.

Moments where I feel a little more like myself.

Where energy flickers back on for a bit.

Where I can think clearly.

Feel a little more open.

And then it fades again.

And instead of fighting it

I’m trying to respect it.

To use the energy when it’s there.

And not push when it’s not.

I don’t think of this as a failure or laziness. It is not even close to this.

This is my body asking for something different.

Something slower.

Something quieter.

Something that doesn’t require me to perform or produce or prove anything.

It wants to just be in the moment.  To be present with what is.

I’m still in it. Swirling around.

I don’t have a clean ending for this. It will end when it is time.

I don’t have any perfect takeaways to share.

What I do have is awareness that this phase exists.

And that it’s allowed.

I hope this helps if you are feeling the same way.

I see you.